I decided to give the new machine another shot. I had to let the monitor's cables hang out the front and drape across the desk, since the back panel behind which they are supposed to snake won't budge enough to let them through. It looks like crap, and is inconvenient. Nevertheless. I got everything hooked up, and powered up the tower. I got the wireless mouse to work. The wireless keyboard remains recalcitrant. No matter what I do (switch ports, reinitialize, change batteries), it will not work. I didn't think there could be another machine as frustrating as Sluggo. I was wrong.
I hate computers.