rejectomorph (flying_blind) wrote,


Every time we hear about something of such surpassing oddness as the recent royal coronation of the Reverend Moon, which took place in a Federal building in Washington (which requires the permission of the United States Senate) some people undoubtedly come closer to being convinced that we are in the presence of a religious establishment in the last stages of decay, and a tottering secular state, which now lean against one another like a pair of drunken syphilitics staggering along the edge of an abyss. That the Reverend (one of the world's richest convicted felons) has had himself crowned King of Kings is astonishing enough, but that he now has revealed that he is the Messiah returned is simply too flabbergastingly delicious to bear. God Himself (for those who accept the Trinity Doctrine) now walks among us, in the form of an aging Korean cult leader and international entrepreneur. Who would have thought?

Well, I must admit to a bit of disappointment. I was sure it was going to be Mel Gibson! But, while I would rather that God Incarnate could have at least a touch of lingering hotness, I suppose I'll have to accept the fact that He has decided to appear to us as an odd and dowdy old man. His ways are mysterious, indeed.

Now that God has returned and claimed the Kingship, I suppose we'll be abolishing the secular government altogether. It has served its purpose, after all, in providing an appropriate stage on which the Divine coronation could take place. Farewell, George W. Bush! No need for a campaign, now that the Messiah is here. Just make sure that the White House is tidy before you depart. You don't want to leave a mess for God. It might put Him into one of His wrathful moods.

Of course, I'm hoping that we'll get a demonstration of the Divine Power soon. The loaves and fishes bit would be fun. Maybe some water into wine, too. But mostly, I'm anxious to see Him raise some dead. In fact, I would be very pleased if, to demonstrate their faith, His followers (especially those in Congress) would all kill themselves, so that He could resurrect them. It would indeed be a splendid demonstration of His infinite power.

I do have some questions, though. Not being up on the details of the whole eschatology thing, I'm not sure if this is the time when He casts Bill Gates into the bottomless pit, or if that comes later. I surely wouldn't want to miss that event. And, we're not supposed to nail Him to a tree this time, right? (I really don't want to make any mistakes, given His record of destroying entire cities and such.) But I guess we'll get things worked out soon enough. I only hope I don't have to wait too long for the delivery of that fig tree and grape vine He promised each of us. The planting season is getting on, you know.

Ah, Paradise regained at last!

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