rejectomorph (flying_blind) wrote,
rejectomorph
flying_blind

Reset the Second, Day the Second

Sometimes people walk along the hidden bike path behind my apartment talking on cellphones and I hear snatches of halves of conversations. All these random little fragments of other people's lives are no more comprehensible to my aging ears than the twitterings of the birds or the rumble of trucks passing along the freeway. It is the aural equivalent of a kaleidoscope, with things forming patterns that resemble things they are not. It's just another part of the general unreality of life in this place and time.

The unreal air tonight is pleasantly mild, and I could almost be convinced that I'm actually supposed to be here enjoying it, until I remember that I belong somewhere else. This is not a new experience. I have always felt as though belonged somewhere other than where I am, or perhaps nowhere at all, since I've never found a place in which I feel entirely at ease. This why I see no point in traveling anywhere. Wherever I go, there I am, wishing I weren't. Why go to the bother and expense of going anywhere when you can feel equally displaced where you already are? That somewhere else I belong isn't anywhere.

Okay, I ate some soup. Now I feel better, though my brain keeps wandering off on its own. It will obey commands no more than a cat will. Perhaps a tiny cat crawled into my brain an began devouring it, and now there is only the cat curled up inside my head, doing as it pleases, and making me think that it is my brain I'm thinking with, when it is actually the cat's brain. Although that does seem a bit far-fetched. I'm sure that if my brain had been replaced with a cat's brain I'd be much more sensible than I am, not to mention happier. No, that's my own brain in there. It just feels alien.

Despite the pleasant air this evening, the weather is a bit alien too. It will be 85 degrees tomorrow, and Tuesday will get all the way up to 92. Naturally, I disapprove. That nowhere where I really belong would certainly be much cooler. The days will be uncomfortably warm for the foreseeable future. I'm glad I won't have to go out in it for at lest a few more weeks. On the other hand, I'm really going to miss going to various stores and enjoying their free air conditioning. If I want air conditioning here I'm going to have to pay for it myself.

Good night, Sunday. It's been unreal. Hello, Monday. I won't believe a word you say.
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