rejectomorph (flying_blind) wrote,

Reset Day Ten

Tuesday evening went weird. Well, everything is weird now, so it went weirder. I got very tired again so took a nap, and the nap turned long. Why would I even be surprised at this anymore? I kept waking up still feeling tired so kept going back to sleep. When I finally managed to drag myself off the bed it felt like four o'clock in the morning, so I was surprised to see that it was still almost half an hour short of midnight. But it still felt like four o'clock in the morning, full of disorientation and despair. I had that feeling I get that I've just had a dream that is probably too horrifying to remember. But I also had the novel feeling that this time that I had not been sleeping and had not dreamed, but that I had just now fallen asleep and was only dreaming that I had just woken up, and the nightmare was i fact only beginning.

But Tuesday afternoon I had eaten a late lunch of nothing but crackers with butter and peanut butter, which seemed like a good (or at least an easy) idea at the time, and now midnight was coming up and I hadn't had dinner, and I felt hungry so I microwaved a bowl of very spicy ramen. Hot spices are pretty good at distracting me from the weird stuff that goes on in my head, and after a few minutes of burning my mouth I felt a bit better. Reality doesn't look any better, but hey, now my tongue hurts and I must pay attention to that. Soon it will be my stomach that hurts, so there will still be something to distract me. After that I suppose I'll have to drink.

The freeway has gotten much quieter at night. There are still big trucks going by now and then, but less frequently, and there are far fewer cars in between. I can hear the trucks longer, though, since their sounds is no longer lost in the noise of nearer trucks. It's gotten more like Paradise, where I could sit in the back yard and hear the cars coming and going from a half mile or more away. But there the silences in between cars at night could sometimes last half an hour. Here they are seldom more than three or four minutes, and usually less. In the quiet times I can hear the breeze rusting the new leaves that now fill the trees. But there are no frogs. I miss the frogs.

It seems unlikely I'll be able to sleep again anytime soon, but I can read something. That's still a good distraction from all the stuff I don't want to think about. I'm glad I bought all those those fluffy, light novels from the Goodwill store over the last few months. I have enough mysteries to keep me entertained for quite a while. I'm starting to think we'll never get our old way of life back again, so I'm going to need those books.

Wow, I must be successfully distracted now. I finished this entry over an hour ago but forgot to post it. And I haven't even started to drink yet!

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