rejectomorph (flying_blind) wrote,


These days I seem to be more easily exhausted. It's partly just age, I suspecct, and partly the emotional consequence of the traumatic events of the last two months, but I'm beginning to suspect that there is also some physical cause behind it. The cough I developed after spending several house in a dene cloud of toxic smoke, and then several days in a less dense but still toxic cloud, has become chronic. Before the fire I did often have a cough in the evening, when the temperature dropped, and on first lying down, but now the cough is apt to come on at any time and persist longer. I suppose I should see a doctor and get some tests, but I'm also more disorganized than ever these days and don't get around to it.

I don't get around to a lot of things. I haven't sent change-of-address notices to the three magazines I still subscribe to. I can't remember if I've notified my bank of th enew ddress, but I haven't gotten last month's statement yet, though I might simply have forgotten I got it and mislaid it. I've been in this apratment goingon three weeks and still haven't gotten furniture for it beyond the bed, table and two chairs I moved in with. Lack of energy and lack of focus both play a role.

Lack of cats also plays a role. I spent much of today deling with the cat hunt, again with no reults. I might have gone out for a while this afternoon since the rain ended fairly early and we actually got a couple of hours of sunshine, but I kept getting pulled back to the computer. I did finally take a short walk to the end of the block and back around nightfall, but it failed to energize me. I'd start drinking coffee again but I'm afraid it would just boost my anxiety levels, as caffeine tends to do.

Right now I've got dinner dishes that need washing, and I haven't gotten around to checking the supermarket ads that came out today. I did remember to check the mail box, but there was nothing in it. I wonder how the people wholive in the big apartment at the end of the block that is always it up are doing? They must have some routine in their lives, whoever they are. Their apartment hasn't burned down, anyway. I remember what that was like. Barely.

There is only a ten percent chance of rain tomorrow, and might be more sunlight, so perhaps I can get out for a while. I really need to find a teakettle, as I've been heating water in a pan and forgetting thaat it's on because no whistle. Maybe I could condition myself to think of the horns of the diesel trains that run through town are teakettle whistles. They come by often enough that I'd be sure to check the water that's heating up frequently.

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