||[Dec. 9th, 2018|09:41 pm]
I just spent about forty minutes writing several paragraphs about my trip to the ruins today, but must have done something to offend this worthless HP craptop I'm using and it ate the whole thing, and in a way that LJ's restore draft feature can't fix. I don't feel like doing it again, so I'll just say that it was depressing, and disturbing, and I'm not looking forward to going back but I'll have to, since I was not prepared with proper equipment to do any serious searching of the rubble. |
There was no sign of any cats, living or dead. PG&E had trucks and crews on the block, installing new cables, and that probably kept any living cats away. We left some bowls of food and fresh water, putting them in what little shelter we could find, the largest part in my metal garden shed which had sagged badly but still had its roof. I suspect that raccoons will end up eating the food and muddying the water, even if there are still any of my cats around.
I don't think there's any point in my trying to make any long posts until I get a decent computer to work on, though I don't know how long that will be. This thing is just so touchy and unpredictable. I'll just cut and paste some poetry now.
by Eric Gamalinda
My life, this is all you are. This narrow space
between the enormous past and the inchoate
future. This minute, which has already
passed, this word, which is already null,
this body, which dies incessantly
with each word. I may have found solace
in language or memory, an alley in Paris
or in Prague, in Kafka or in Proust.
Mirror of the senses, they will disappear
with me, as with all time, space, and death,
these enchanted vectors of the soul.
I move in the world with all of my body,
through the labyrinth made of one
straight line. The inconceivable
infinities no longer bother me. This moment
is all I believe in, October and the dry leaves
blowing where I'm heading, a storm
rushing to presage me. At the crucial junctures
someone will already know my name.
The earth will again unfold its heart
of sulfur, and I will be born
into the recurring terror, inescapable
being, to which I eternally return.
May these small tokens prove that I tried
my best, though human cruelty made no sense
to me, though love was inexplicable, more
phantom than reality. If forgiveness be true,
I want to be annihilated completely,
I want reciprocal forgetting,
I want the angels not to recognize me.