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Brain Dead [Dec. 5th, 2018|09:21 pm]
I've been leaving LJ until too late in the day, and have done so today despite having not even gone farther out of this house than the front yard. It drizzled or sprinkled all morning, but became merely overcast for most of the afternoon. The weather would have been pleasant enough had I been in any mood to enjoy it. Uncertainty, anxiety and sadness are not conducive to simple pleasures.

This evening I made a bacon and tomato sandwich for dinner, and it made me sad. Portia loved bacon, as did Frosty and the other cats, and when I made it I would always save a bit for those who were in the house. A lot of foods make me sad now, because I used to share a bit of them with the cats. I miss those little guys day and night, and when I'm going to sleep I can hardly think about anything else. That's why it usually takes me so long to get to sleep.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll be able to get to the recovery office where I sign up for various bureaucratic things regarding cleanup of the ruined property and such. It could be costly if I don't sign up, for reasons I don't quite understand. I'm just taking the various officials' word for it.

Right now I'm too addled to continue with this. It doesn't seem to be getting any easier. We are supposed to be able to go back into the town and look at our ruins fairly soon. I doubt that I'll find any of my cats hanging around there, and have no plan for getting them to another place even if I do. I just can't think clearly anymore. Maybe inhaling all that toxic smoke killed too many of my brain cells.

[User Picture]From: zyzyly
2018-12-07 04:41 am (UTC)
I imagine the grief you are experiencing is pretty overwhelming. I can't even imagine what it is like to lose so much.
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[User Picture]From: flying_blind
2018-12-09 03:57 am (UTC)
It's not something I would wish on anyone. Well, perhaps on Individual 1, so he could learn a bit of what it's like to be a refugee. I've always been sympathetic to the Central Americans who aren't being allowed across the border even to sign up for refugee status, but I'm even more so now. They must be miserable in their plight, with no home safe to go back to and no knowledge of what might be ahead.
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