rejectomorph (flying_blind) wrote,

Second Week

There have been times in my life when nightfall has depressed me, but that hasn't happened for decades, until now. The disarray contributes, but perhaps the filthy air is a bigger factor. It is not only unpleasant to breathe and to see, but toxic. It is now mostly smoke from vegetation now, but I think I might be having aftereffects from the toxic smoke the first day, when the town and the contents of its buildings was burning, not to mention a considerable number of cars. All that stuff people keep in their garages and garden sheds, all the chemicals used in construction, all the plastic— rushing on foot to reach the evacuation center after being forced to abandon our cars we must have inhaled vast quantities of toxins.

The State's fire agency has posted an interactive map showing buildings destroyed in town. I have watched every day waiting for them to reach my street. Today the came very close, showing the south side of the road at the end of my block, but my street remains one of the few places not yet surveyed. I know the odds that the house has survived are vanishingly small, but until I get confirmation that it is really gone I just can't seem to move on. I'm stuck in the denial and bargaining phase, and I'm anxious to get beyond it. What I'm really anxious to do is quit feeling so dazed, but that's likely to take a very long time.

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