February 1st, 2021

caillebotte_the balcony

Reset Sixteen, Day Fifty-Five

I slept through the middle of Sunday, though I don't recall the exact hour I got to sleep. It must have been after eight o'clock, and then I finally woke up more or less completely around four o'clock in the afternoon. So I got almost eight hours of almost uninterrupted sleep (I think I woke up three or four times, but went back to sleep quickly each time) but at the cost of losing almost an entire day. But as it's unlikely the day would have been worth staying awake for, I guess it was no great loss.

Anyway. I was hoping my brain would work better today than it did yesterday, but it hasn't, so I've just let it vegetate. There might be some sort of brain exercise I could do, but if there is I don't know what it is. I have the feeling that I've forgotten more than I ever knew, and now have negative knowledge. I'm not just dumb, I'm anti-smart. My fear is that anti-smart is like anti-matter, and if anti-smart comes in contact with smart there will be a horrible, annihilating explosion. Thank God I've got the Internet, where smart is so rare, and thus easily avoided.

Rain us supposed to come back today, but not until afternoon. I'm not sure when I'll sleep, but I'm supposed to get a phone call early this afternoon, and I hope I'm reasonably awake for it. Once again reality is impinging on my irrationality, and there's nothing I can do about it. Well, I could tell it to bugger off, but then there would probably be trouble, which would also be reality impinging on my irrationality, so I might as well just deal with it now. Does any of this make sense to anyone? It certainly doesn't to me.

I think I ate a sandwich for dinner again, but that was some time ago and now I'm a bit hungry again and it's too late for fixing a snack if I expect to be awake by early afternoon when there will be a phone call and rain. I could eat the bedtime snack I most often got when I was a little kid, which is soda crackers. And I guess I could put butter on them, which I didn't get when I was a kid. There are some perks to being an adult, even when your brain has gone into deficit. Mmm, buttered soda crackers and music videos on YouTube. Civilization is amazing!