July 9th, 2020

hindenburg

I'll Have to Look it Up

It's pretty late. I think I've been asleep since around eight o'clock, maybe earlier. Thursday was nothing again. I thought about going out, but got too tired by the time it got less hot, so didn't. I don't think I even checked the mail box today. Waking from the late nap I didn't feel sleepy anymore, and I didn't feel rested. All I felt was sadness and anxiety. Yesterday I'd have calculated the odds of going crazy while stuck in this place at about 50/50. Today I have to say they've gone up to 51/49. If this trend keeps up I'll be slipping into madness within two months.

There was grilled cheese on sourdough for late lunch/early dinner, which might have been what made that depressing nap necessary. I might have felt a bit better if there had been a casaba, but I keep forgetting to look for them when I'm in the store, and when I remember to look the stores don't have them. I miss them. I'd settle for a crenshaw, but I haven't seen them in the stores recently either. I have a strong suspicion that if I could find casabas I wouldn't go mad until at least October.

Since I napped soon after eating I now feel somewhat stuffed, so I don't know if I should try eating anything again or not. It's cooled off to merely balmy outdoors, and the crickets are chirping, and the freeway is fairly quiet, so I might just go sit outside for a while. We are looking at six straight days of triple-digit highs starting Friday. I'm not going to enjoy it. In fact I'm apt to get very unhappy indeed.