July 2nd, 2020

laszlo moholy-nagy_chx

The Pause That Depresses

So CVS sent me a coupon for a big discount on a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, and I figured I could always use an extra six pack of beer too, and a spare bottle of dish washing liquid, on which I could use a 32% off coupon I also had, so Wednesday evening, as late as I dared (they close at eight o'clock these days) when the sun was low and less fierce, I walked over to the plaza to fetch those items. Beer and dish soap, no problem. Ice cream not so much. The ice cream part of their freezer had broken down and the store's entire stock had been ruined. Last time I bought Ben & Jerry's, just a week ago Wednesday, I forgot to put it in the freezer when I got it home, and it was ruined. I'm having really bad luck with ice cream.

But they were having a buy-one-get-one-free sale on potato chips, so I bought two bags, barbecue flavor, so I still got some junk good. Even junkier food than ice cream, in fact. And then I ended up eating half a bag of the chips with some sour cream instead of fixing myself anything like a proper dinner, or even an improper dinner such as a bowl of microwaved ramen. I do believe my self-destruct mode has kicked in with a vengeance.

Maybe I'm more disappointed about not getting that ice cream than I thought. After all, I was looking forward to it enough to dive nose first into a petri dish of a store for it. And it was exhausting. Despite the relatively short walk, and the fact that the worst of the day's heat was past, it took me half an hour to recover from it, and while I sat here panting in a pool of sweat I was saying to myself man, I'm never going anywhere again! I wonder if that will turn out to be true? What a depressing thought. Almost as depressing as the thought of going out and ending up feeling like that again.