December 31st, 2019


Bad Decision

I'd thought that I might get to a bus accessible store Monday, but it didn't turn out that way. I did do something slightly adventurous, but wish that I hadn't. I had a bill to mail, so had to go about halfway to the other end of the Plaza and decided to go all the way and get a hamburger at Wendy's. With my lingering cold residue the exertion proved too much, and by the time I got it home I was too short of breath to eat it right away, and by the time I could eat it it had gone half cold and was not very good.

It had been a bit overcooked anyway, and I think they left off the sauce it was supposed to have, since it was very dry, and then I ended up getting queasy from eating it. With the fries and a small cup of chili I bought with it it cost me almost as much as real food from the real Mexican restaurant that's a bit closer would have cost, so it was a bad decision all around. I probably won't be going back to Wendy's again. It's too far to go and too much to pay for stuff that is so unsatisfying.

After eating I found I couldn't keep my eyes open, so I took a nap, and that didn't end until near midnight, and my brain has been fuzzed ever since, plus I'm still feeling queasy from the dinner. So far this year is not ending very well. But then I don't know why I should expect it to. My after-cold is at that stage when it is most annoying, and at which I'm most likely to develop some sort of secondary infection. I should probably be staying in, but I'll need to get out tomorrow for donuts at least. It looks like I won't be getting to a real store for proper shopping again this week, so I'll have to make do with what's available nearby.

I did stop by the Goodwill store on the way to the mailbox, and found Cormac McCarthy's The Border Trilogy in a single volume paperback, so I bought that. But the highlight of the day was really the visit from the mockingbird, when the early afternoon was almost warm, and he sat out back for about half an hour, singing the whole time. That was enough to get me through the rest of the day. Since tomorrow's weather is likely to be about the same as today's perhaps he'll be back for another visit.
caillebotte_man at his window


Since I was stuck for ideas about what to write tonight I decided to look back at some of my New Year's Eve LJ posts from my early years here, hoping to be inspired by them to come up with something interesting. After looking at posts from 2001 through 2007 I find myself not inspired, but rather depressed. It has become apparent to me that the quality of my writing has deteriorated along with the quality of my life. I can't imagine ever being that interesting again, and this is especially sad because I wasn't particularly interesting even then— just more so than I am now.

So here I am in my very different world, with my much diminished memory, waiting for this year with a terribly large number to be replaced by a year with an even larger number. Some of the locals have gotten an early start with their celebratory explosives, and I've been hearing fireworks go off for the last hour or so, at first every few minutes, then with increasing frequency until there are now two or three every minute. So far they have all been fairly distant. The immediate neighborhood is very quiet, and I have neither seen nor heard any evidence of any parties going on. Indeed, I see lights in only two of the windows of the big apartment house at the end of my block. It looks like everyone there has either gone away or has already gone to bed.

I should probably start drinking something. I didn't feel like fixing dinner tonight and just had some soup, so I haven't had so much as a beer all day. I'm guessing that everybody in town who is still awake is already drunk, and I ought to try to catch up. Not that any of them will know, it's just that it seems sort of antisocial for me to be sober tonight. Although I am usually rather antisocial, New Year's Eve should be an exception I think, and I should at least make a stab at joining in the traditional festivities even though from actual isolation. But then rereading those lines I sound like I'm a little bit drunk already, don't I? I wonder if there was alcohol in that soup?

Fifteen minutes until midnight now. I've opened a bottle of porter. My min is still fairly blank. I might go look at a video or something, so it will sort of seem like I'm actually somewhere, instead of alone in a small apartment in an isolated mini-metropolis. I'll go outside when the cacophony really gets underway. It probably won't last long, and I won't be joining in. Maybe the mockingbird will wake up and sing for a bit, as he sometimes does in the middle of the night. If so, then I'll wish him a happy new year, though I'm sure he'll have no idea what I'm talking about. You all have a happy new year, too.