June 15th, 2019

hindenburg

Fails

Despite the day having been a bit less hot than the last couple of days, I failed to go to the bus-accessible market today as I'd intended. I was unable to muster the energy for the task. I did manage to get to Grocery Outlet later in the evening, but only bought two items there; a box of donuts (they finally got some in) and a microwaveable bowl of Thai-style instant noodles with bok choy and mushrooms. I've never had this particular dish before. If it's good I might go back and pick up a few more before they vanish from the shelves, which is what things at Grocery Outlet usually do.

I don't know if I'll feel like attempting the bus trip tomorrow (today) or not. It's impossible on Sunday when there is no bus service, and it's going to be getting horrendously hot again by Monday, the first of three days in a row predicted to top 100 degrees here. Tuesday will be the worst, at 107. I'm definitely not going out Tuesday. If I'm going to that store it pretty much has to be tomorrow, because if I get a ride it is going to be to Safeway.

But there's a chance I won't be getting a ride anywhere at all this week. That's been happening a lot since I came to Chico. For some reason these small disappointments such as not getting to a store or not finding what I want when I get there are more unpleasant than they used to be. I think perhaps when one suffers a serious loss of any kind it compromises your resilience— damages the emotional equivalent of your immune system, as it were. I was very sad for a couple of hours after failing to get out of the house this afternoon, as I was when I was unable to get to Safeway on Thursday. Minor stuff Like that never used to bother me anywhere near as much as it does now.

The apartment never really cooled off last night, so I didn't sleep well. It probably won't cool off well tonight, either, unless I want to lower the thermostat and risk an electric bill larger than I'd planned for this month. This is the first month I've had to use the air conditioner so much, so I don't yet know how costly it's going to be. The heating bill in the cold weather was pleasantly less than I'd expected, but I don't know if that miracle is going to repeat with the cooling bill.

It is still almost a week until the summer solstice arrives. Given what June has been like I can't help but anticipate July and August with trepidation. I hope my mockingbird doesn't fall out of the sky dead from heat stroke. And I hope the power doesn't go out, as then I'd probably die of heat stroke. On the bright side if I'm dead I won't have to put up with any more of a Central Valley summer, but it would be nice to have at least one or two more cool days before that happens. I doubt that I will get them.