July 14th, 2013

caillebotte_man at his window


I am falling, but no, I only nodded off and felt the couch drop from under me, but startled awake found it still there. Nothing fell but signals in my brain. Those were quite enough. But suppose I were to fall or things were to drop from under me, where would I be then but where I have been in my misguided synapses? The solid world itself floats, so why should its contents not be unstable? All day's heated air flowed about me, and now night's cooler air does the same.

My thoughts can't be stilled any more than the air, and they have even less of substance. Though insubstantial, they are stuck in things, and partake of thingly decay. Maybe when I sleep unstartled the things let go, but when I wake the things don't remember, or don't let me know they do. I am always forgetting, and then forgetting that I have forgotten, but then feel the air move and remember that I have felt it so before. Without reminders I might forget to know I am, and then would not know what fell, or even what felt as though it had fallen. So the things remind me that I am a thing, and the thoughts in things continue. Then here they are, word-bound, being reminders. How vague they are, falling all over themselves.

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