July 29th, 2006

rudisuhli_demon of love

Bad Stuff. Skip It.

Took ibuprofen. It hasn't kicked in yet. I was hoping to keep the dose down to two a day at most, but I just went through several hours of excruciating pain waiting for four o'clock. The headache is still bad, and my jaw still hurts like hell, but the most distressing symptom now is the burning throat. Two possible things I've considered- either this is not just the result of the displaced atlas, or the fact that I can't swallow the pills whole and must let them dissolve and swallow the chunks. OK, my sentence structure just went to hell. I don't feel like fixing it.

I let Advil dissolve in my mouth. It sort of burns where it touches. That might be what is causing the burning in my throat and esophagus, which has continued for hours. Or this might actually be a throat infection of some sort, or maybe tetanus or something equally alarming. Or just my hypochondria returning. I suppose I should try to find a regular doctor and get a diagnosis, but no insurance would mean spending a nonexistent fortune for tests and crap.

Can't think clearly on too little sleep and too much pain. One of the most infuriating things is that, below the neck, I don't feel all that bad aside from some soreness and stiff joints. I could be out doing stuff if various parts of my head weren't trying to kill me.

Worst July ever. Worst entry ever.


The heat wave has passed on for now, leaving withered grass and scattered corpses. Afternoon brought soft breezes, and it was nice listening to the rustling leaves instead of the rumbling air conditioner for a change. This evening there's a good-sized crescent moon hanging among the pines in the west. I'd lost track of the moon's position during the last week and was surprised to see it already so large.

I still have to limit my use of the computer to a few minutes at a time, especially since I'm staying pretty much constantly drugged with ibuprofen and so find it impossible to tell how much I'm hurting myself by sitting here. Still not getting enough sleep either, and when I do sleep I'm still getting strange dreams that are vivid but vaporous. It bothers me that I can't remember them, but only that they were disturbing and intense. Maybe it's for the best though. I've had some horrifying dreams during illnesses in the past, and knowing these dreams I'm having now might fill me with constant dread of sleep.