May 27th, 2005

laszlo moholy-nagy_chx

Heat, and Tiny Penis News

I don't want to sound like an ingrate, having been given several extra weeks of pleasant, cool weather this spring, but, damn! This heat now is killing me! The bugs are maddening! WTF happened?

::scratches at fresh mosquito bite on ear::

At this moment, I'm very much tempted to open another bottle of beer. I never want beer this late. I spent some time lying in the dark, trying to transform the sound of crickets into the sound of waves washing a beach. Failure. A couple more days of this and I'll be a desiccated husk.

To distract myself from the discomfort, I perused teh Internets for something worse. I easily found it. Behold the Permanent Shrinkage! A bonus came with this article: I learned the term "anogential distance," also known as AGD. It refers to the area which Johnny Knoxville calls "the gooch." I'm sure that the Academy of General Dentistry, and its publication, AGD Impact, would be pleased if we would all adopt Johnny's term. Cricketer Graham Gooch, I suspect, would not. You know, I think I'll start calling my gooch "Graham."

Clearly, the heat is having a terrible effect on my brain. But at least there weren't so many phthalates around when I was a foetus, so my equipment is probably normal.

There. Now I feel better. Thanks, Internets!
laszlo moholy-nagy_chx


I just found myself wondering if anybody had yet come up with the word "weblogorrhea." Yup!

Heat is now accompanied by a gathering haze. The haze is thicker in the valley, though it has not yet grown sufficiently dense to form clouds. Again today, the only clouds visible are those which cling to the distant ridges of the mountains. They seem not to change, though a nearer view would most likely reveal some activity. The activity here is confined mostly to the birds, who hop about the lawn, occasionally casting me baleful looks with their reptilian little eyes. The sultriness is not my fault, I say to them. They disbelieve, I can tell. The baleful looks continue. I don't care. I saw two butterflies this afternoon, who displayed no enmity toward me, and I was cheered by their presence.

Tomorrow is expected to bring some respite, though this cooling is not expected to last long. Hot days will soon return, and the nights, which thus far have retained some hint of spring-like mildness, will soon grow much warmer, too. The dread season has abandoned stealth, and advances in full fury. There is no more hope.