May 12th, 2004

laszlo moholy-nagy_chx

Anxious Anticipation

I just heard a cat fight in the alley. My only cat is sleeping in the living room. When I had four cats, I was always jumping up to go out whenever I heard a cat fight, to find out if one of mine was involved. I had to break up quite a few, and got to recognize most of the local felines. Most of those other cats are gone now, and a whole new generation wanders the night. I wouldn't know most of them. For some reason, that makes the whole neighborhood feel less familiar to me.

Night has turned cold again, as is proper for the season, but the early flowering of the jasmine has filled the chill air with its scent, which I find disorienting. Jasmine is a fragrance I associate with the warm nights of late spring and early summer. It seems inappropriate now. I suppose that by the time the nights warm up, the flowers will be gone and the dark hours be bereft of their familiar perfume. It is strange that small things such as this unsettle me and make me irritable, but there it is.

Of course, that isn't the only thing making me irritable tonight. Knowing that I have a dental appointment in eleven hours is distressing as well. While I don't have the phobia of dentists I once had, getting my teeth prodded remains one of those experiences I'd rather not undergo. The prospect that some dismal discovery might lead to further appointments makes it all the worse. My hypochondria is stirred up, and I imagine massive amounts of equipment being stuffed into my mouth and a jackhammer penetrating my brain. This makes it difficult to sleep, and I usually arrive at the dentist's office tired and cranky. This time will probably be no exception. Some day they will discover a simple treatment that makes teeth permanently immune to decay, and I'll already be dead. Well, at least I arrived late enough in history for Novocaine.

It's been quiet tonight, the serenity disturbed only by the three cars in which newspapers are delivered -- and by that one cat fight. It might have been better had there been some excitement to distract me from my anticipation. It's one of the drawbacks of living in a generally peaceful place. The surrounding calm only serves to underscore any sort of inner distress. It would be easier if I still had a lap cat. They are remarkably distracting. I really miss that kitty.
bazille_summer scene


Needle holes in my gums and more mercury stuffed into my teeth. I always have a headache after dental work. But at least it's over for now. And Sluggo appears to have misplaced the LJ client. Other than all that, a lovely day. The clouds have gone, but it hasn't become intolerably hot again yet. The slow, green evening invites languor. I saw a small flock of local waterfowl flying toward the valley. Their calls were goose-like, but I'm not sure what they were. Their necks were rather long, and the afternoon light flashed silver from their dark wings. They must have spent the day fishing in one of the mountain lakes. By now, they are probably back in their wetlands and settling down for the night. I think I'll follow their example, aside from the wetlands part.

Also, I don't seem to be getting any e-mail. I hope the service isn't broken again.