rejectomorph (flying_blind) wrote,


It's very quiet tonight, thanks to a fog that is deadening the sound of traffic and the few other noises that contribute to the usual nocturnal hum. When a car does pass near enough to be heard, it soon fades. The only thing that is interfering with this pleasant circumstance is my own ears. I can remember how quiet the world became on a foggy night back before I developed tinnitus, but I can no longer experience that deep silence. It's as though millions of tiny cicadas had infested by head and were constantly a high-pitched hum, whatever the season. The dampening of the world's noise by the fog has in fact intensified the noises my aging ears make on their own. Probably the only way I'll ever hear real silence again is by going deaf, and I'm not eager to do that.

The fog is not very thick, and I can still see the clouds that lingered most of the afternoon but brought no rain. They are illuminated by the lights of the towns, which grow brighter each year. The very air seems bright tonight, though there is no moon, and the still pines and the bare oaks are silhouetted against the rumpled sky. The droplets that make up the fog are reflecting the light the sky reflects until it seems there is no true darkness anywhere, just as there is no true silence with the ringing in my ears. Oddly, I don't feel especially cold tonight, either, perhaps because the heavy air is so still that my body heat leaves my layers of clothing very slowly. The combination of external quiet and ringing ears, fog and brightness, chilly air and warm body is very strange. I suspect that it might induce strange dreams when I sleep, but if it does I probably won't remember them.

I'm not sure I'll sleep soon, in any case, as I feel a sense of agitation that has probably been induced by the tea I drank rather late in the afternoon. I knew it was a bad idea, but I couldn't resist the allure of tea and cookies on a gray day. It spoiled my dinner again, too, so I expect to get hungry around midnight. A very late supper will probably put me to sleep, but I don't have to worry about my schedule's effect on tomorrow as I've already done the week's shopping. I have tomorrow entirely free. I intend to waste it on entirely pointless things. I can't afford many luxuries these days, but that one requires no cash so I indulge it whenever I can.

Tonight there are English people murdering each other on television, but the English people are pretending to be Italians, which makes it a bit weird. I might see if there's something else on. The English people will be on again tomorrow night, though rather than murdering each other they'll just be posturing and fornicating (yes, it's Downton Abbey.) I guess it will have to do.

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