The letter will inform that ignorant and benighted politician that once upon a time, just a few years ago, this nation enjoyed a booming economy with rapid growth in the technology sector leading the way to a Golden Age of endless and universal prosperity. But then, in some irrational fit of jealousy or spite, a wicked cabal of lawyers in the government persuaded an undoubtedly venal jurist to (gasp!) break up Microsoft! Yes, Microsoft, the very same public spirited institution which was the engine driving us forward to the long-sought goal of Human Perfection! And then, of course, the economy collapsed, widows and orphans were threatened with eviction, church attendance declined as rapidly as SAT scores, California was subjected to blackouts, the topless towers of Wall Street tottered, and citizens rioted in the streets of Seattle and Los Angeles. And, most telling of all, that miracle of the digital age, The Internet, actually began to go broke! Yes, broke, in spite of the wisdom of the entrepreneurs who had nurtured it with their lifes-blood and the waters of the deep fountains of advertising.
Who would have thought that the thwarting of one bloated corporation in its relentless pursuit of mediocrity would have created so dire a situation! Honestly, I had no idea that my distaste for Microsoft was part of some vast conspiracy to destroy the very foundations of the American Way of Life! I will offer my heartfelt apologies to that little weas.... uh, that paragon of corporate virtues, Bill Gates. I will rend my garments and cover my head in ashes made from burned Linux manuals. And, of course I will send that letter to my congressman.
As soon as I reboot my computer.